Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Again and Again.....


No sooner has the first day of the month passed then I find myself listening to a sobbing distraught female friend going through another ordeal with a low life guy that she got too caught up with. Not gonna put her business out in the street but I continue to observe the continuous pattern that loneliness and insecurity bring about. Not only in her but in a growing list of people I know. As time progresses it's not just a matter of "oh my boyfriend is cheating on me" that I'm hearing from people. Now extreme words like love, marriage, kids and what not get thrown into the equation. In the midst of playing the game, these lames don't merely get my friends to "like" them, they get falsely elevated to levels of potential partner or soulmate.
In the end all I can do is listen and offer the support that time will heal all wounds.

On one hand I believe that we are never to old to learn, change and evolve. At the same time I understand that for some people they are who and what they are and change is very, very difficult. So same folk may just have to repeat certain things quite a few times before it finally sets in. That's why I have the collective of people around me that I do. I appreciate what everyone brings to the table with the understanding that everyone brings something different that satisifies something that another person might not do. You might not have learned your lesson but I know people that have.

We seem to understand this with friends, but dammit when those feelings and emotions start to build the reasoning goes out the window everytime. Every single time without fail. I believe I was talking with Evita when I told her that I honestly want to hear about my peoples finding someone that they can actually develop that real relationship with. Unfortunately, the past has not revealed this to me. Perhaps it's the way these guys get described to me or the sudden shock of there rise to importance but I always end up having the suspect feeling about these "here today gone tomorrow" supermen.

We all have our relationship mistakes, trials and tests. But it's with the hope that we not repeat these same mistakes. It's no exact science and as I believe, If your single you only have but so much right to give advice but in the end it always sucks witnessing a close friends hopes for happiness shatter.

6 comments:

The Single Dame said...

Hey @Daddy Nightfall,

You stated, "At the same time I understand that for some people they are who and what they are and change is very, very difficult."

And I go on to state that not only can change be "very difficult". More often than NOT, muthafuckas don't cahnge AT ALL.

And YES, the key is to make mistakes, learn from them, and stray from repeating them. I know muthafuckas who NEVER learn lessons. They just so damn blind.

Then there's folks like me, who learn from the many lessons that come from relationships off all kinds, YET I CHOSE to continue to make some of the same mistakes over and over again BECAUSE I WANT TO. BECAUSE I ALLOW LUST TO RULE ME. BECAUSE I LIE TO MYSELF AND SCREAM I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHEN I REALLY DO......

At the end of the day, it's all LIFE.

Forever Fabulous,
The Single Dame

Fran said...

meh....there are 3 sides to every story and anyone can make a saint look like Osama bin Laden or some shit.
People just need to stop dating until--no, wait...PERIOD.

Lamoi said...

a lot of people come to me for relationship advice (idk why), and at times i have to refuse to give any because what am i really gonna say? 'your man is a loserish creep who only wants u for sex and a place to sleep?'...it makes me sad always.

eaglebird said...

Not to be pessimistic but in these days and times it seems like it aint cut out for REAL love and relationships everybody selfish with there own agendas(good or bad),to me love is just a lonely soul's fanasty the feeling that people feel for one another is just temporary nothing manmade last for ever,your homegirl just going through growing pains and you being the REAL man(friend) in her life feel it too and want to protect her the best you can,aint nothing wrong with that but she has to live and learn too no matter how long it takes for the lesson sinks in!

Nik said...

What Ms. Rubies said x10!

Goddess Intellect said...

One thing I've learned over the past few is that it is so much easier looking in from the outside than it is dealing with the "drama" on the inside.
I can almost immediately sense a man is no good for a gf, but myself? not so much.....well I can I just make a point to IGNORE IT.
I think when I went through my little ordeal (am still dealin with it) it did me more harm than good bothering and hitting up folks for advice or to let off steam...it made me more anxious and depressed.
The less I talked/texted and the more time I spent alone or focused on the real issues of what had taken place, the better.
As someone with minimal family supports I tend to run to whoever is available or will say what I want to hear...and as much as I appreicate their advice & time..I need to break that habit.
An ex once said to me that the reason he didnt take me seriously was because I didnt take myself seriously...
most of the time..no NO ALL the time...our answers are right in front of us. For this yr my hope is that folks will be hearing less of my issues and seeing more progress.
Great post...not sure how I made this comment alllll about me..sorry for that.

 
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