Power surges in and out had me nervous for a bit as the rest of the buildings around me went dark....a number of things erk me about this apt BUT for holding up through this Sandy mess it's earned it high ass rent value....going through old files, notebooks and files....I stay trying to push forward but it was kind of cool to look back and see how much I set out to do that got done....Yet I cant help feeling I've under achieved for the year...perhaps I need to step back and focus on the individual things I've improved in vs looking at the WHOLE picture....The Omega Nexus book releasing and keeping things stable when it all truthfully could have fallen apart is something I may not fully appreciate till much farther down the road......so much of my daily responsibility now is observation....whats happening, how's it happening, who's making it happen. Then it becomes how to make it happen better. Building the better network...but even that has created a number of thoughts and feelings within me. My position is a work in process not just in regards to how I do things but how I want to be viewed. My perception in the eyes of most isn't something I worry about much....but in business affairs it matters....in conjunction with that I hate to have my intentions twisted.Been dealing with for years....maybe it's their issue and not mine......*Deep Breath*.......anyway the Internets remain entertaining. In a year where I've done my "friendship energy management" then ever I still find some things very interesting. For example, folk dont address things with me. They assume what my position is than go on about their business only to reveal their thoughts down the road. At this point its revealed to them I had no such feelings as what was assumed....in other words a big waste of time. I dont get mad at this.....I just dont get it.....again I know I've enabled much over the years......comes with the territory....More social observations, Loneliness is almost as powerful as Love...I see its influence in the folks words and actions both directly and indirectly....most times I cross my fingers and hope things work out for my people. But there are times I say daaaaamn homie you gotta pick better then that....but with age comes acceptance that people will do what people will do....sometimes it's just a toss of the dice....some people hit Triple 6 other shoot 123rd st.....It's weird because as much as I like the chance that comes from dice, a coin flip or a draw from the deck, I'm at heart a logic rational thinker..it's balancing these 2 sides that allows me to operate....It's making the logical move while being 100% ready for all outcomes besides the one that "should" happen......who knows, this is just stuff that runs through my head....completely and pleasantly surprised at some of the "checking on you" communications I got today. I'll honest I've routinely felt overlooked or easily looked past by some folk so today had a few extra smiles amongst the insane weather......I'm learning that having an opinion that you dont like something almost forces you to do something about it or render that view worthless....smh at how much eating I've done tonight during this storm.....man can I just say that Mayor Bloomberg as the ILLEST official Signer in the history of Signing. This woman is so cute in her animated signing. I swear she's just str8 stacking...I could see folk making a youtube vid of her with a soundtrack and all that......the Chinese take out folk stayed open longer then ANYONE!!...Just outta respect I'm copping a large Chicken & Broccoli...I need to roll thru Mt Vernon & cop that Sugar Chicken though.....Trouble shouldnt be needed to know who's who and what's what....big, bad situations make things more apparent but it shouldn't be the moment of suddenly seeing something. Often times that means you werent paying attention or ignoring the signs. After a certain you cant be that blind.....you become a liability to those around you....What does companionship mean to you? Random? Maybe, maybe not.....and while I'm here rambling, there's a man in horse mask jogging through Gotham......
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