Do you remember having one of those moments, a breaking point when you 100% decided you were no longer dealing an important person's b.s? I just came across an old email, 5/7/07 that signaled that point for me and I'm still holding to it...
A friend was telling me over the weekend about her fail attempt to "save" her recently incarcerated bf/fiancee.My stone cold reply and relaying of some basic Steve Harvey logic prompted her to ask "have you ever been hurt?You seem so bullet proof" I laffed and let her in a lil of my history. Below is a part of the email mentioned above. To my former partner during that time frame. One thing about me. I learn from my my mistakes.
I had been single for a reason.If I want to just up and leave I wouldn't have started what I started with you.How can 1 minute we be playfully talking about kids and oh that's my future husband and then it just end like that.I learned a hard lesson.People do what they want.If I don't want to develop feelings for a person then cant anyone make that happen but me.
So Now this is where we are.In the past year I've been hurt twice in this situation with u both times involving other men and yet my love didn't break.And it hasn't broken now.In the midst of our time apart I do still love you.But I have to be true to myself and my integrity.And for all the love I have for you.I still see someone who in spite of how great I'm supposed to be,you left for someone else.Now I have to fight my overactive mind that now pictures you doing the things we did with someone else.All those great things that were said to me now tearing at me.Its been a hard struggle but a fight that hasn't broken me.
his distance between us is for me to get where I need to be.I've been dismissed one time too many so I must look to make my life all it can be...for me.
People say I'm unfeeling, too logical or cold? Naw, I just know that fires hot and I don't find being repeatedly burned amusing.
5 comments:
AMEN!
I saved this one text message from my ex...and even when I switched phones, I sent the text to my email so that I'd have it forever saved. It stood as a reminder not to put myself in that position with him ever again. All that going back and forth and "the first break up never takes" is just a way to set yourself up for inevitable pain. Real love isn't perfect. It's no fairytale or romance comedy movie, but it's also not abusive. People only do what they can get away with.
If being dead inside and cold-hearted protects you from someone who's gonna take advantage of you if you're too soft, do what works for you.
dreams keep us open to chance logic keeps us sane... being cold hearted to me isn't always the way to go but i totally feel the fortknox'd heart.
Um....too many questions on this one.
I Can Definitely Agree. Cold-Heartedness Is One Way To Go About It. But Still Somewhere, Down There..Is A Little Bit Of Hope Just Small But Strong Enough To Make Things Change...
Yeah the cold hearted aspect in me isn't a dominate over whelming trait. But mos def a defensive weapon against selfish bullshit. That's all.
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