Damn, you ever look back at a period of time or a situation and just shake ya head at what was going on. Back in the Myspace world about 2 yrs ago when I was actually blogging there. I had a 5 pt vlog vent session. The vid quality isn't what my current vids are so excuse the blurry sounds. Part 1 here and just continue to pt 5 if you want.
Anyway, I look at this and I notice the tone of my voice. And given the situation of my recently ended relationship, I can see how bothered I was by it. Another reminder of a painful cycle I had been in for years. I almost gets me mad to see that emotion now. Not that anything is wrong with emotion. Love has that effect but yet......I don't know. I'll be damn if I make a vlog like that again. I've always made it a point to forgive but not forget. To forget means the lesson is lost and the lesson to valuable to become lost. So, I kept that lesson deep inside as this same person tried to pop back up again for support this past spring. That just ended up being some b.s.....and I was expecting it.
But it's exactly as I've said to people before. Love has earned my respect but I refuse to get used and abused by it again. In watching vids like this and reading the various poems I've written over the years it highlights just how much I've grown and the different way I look at and approach the idea of a relationship.
So many lessons learned....
Monday, November 2, 2009
Looking back........
Posted by NightFall914 at 9:06 PM
Labels: Growing, life lessons, myspace, pain, Relationships, sucker for love, vloggington
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6 comments:
Very well written and I couldn't have said it better myself. At times it seems like we're stuck, but like you said, go over some of the videos, poems, or written thoughts and we see just how far we've come from the person we used to be. I enjoyed this post.
the video is private. anyway, that's EXACTLY why I don't do the whole relationship thing. I remember all the pain that I went through. Love turned me into this person I didn't recognize...weak, needy, unsteady sense of self worth...it was like a mental illness. Being in love was a full time job and I just don't have the strength or energy to ever put myself in that situation again. I'm not bitter toward love. I applaud anyone who can endure what a relationship entails...the good and the bad. I just don't want to gamble on it. I'm okay with being single, but the people around me HATE it. I just wish people could understand that there is so much more to life than relationships. I could go on for days with this one....
Don't look back at what you felt and get mad. You were capable of feeling those things. It's apart of being human. All emotion is beautiful...anger, joy, sadness...it's passionate. I can't think of anything more natural and real than that.
I remembered back then when you posted those videos. . . its frustrating to see where you been, especially emotionally when you were more vulnerable then you would have liked for folks to know about.. but.. you can learn from them.. which is a good thing..
You have grown on so many levels. Not that you were kiddish by any means when we first met, but you've matured so much. Truly a man in the midst.
That's growth...
Yeah. I don't harp on things like this. But it is most definitely a reminder of progress.
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