...Not Sure About Anything..........

I'm in a period of serious self evaluation, soul searching and questioning. This year has thrown challenges at me at a rapid pace and while I feel I've been able to avoid being knocked down, I'm mad that I haven't made any progress forward. I'm not here to just get by. I was at a lil bbq yesterday in Y-O and I was chattin' with a childhood friend of my friend who happens to live in the same town as me, about all the old hustle and side jobs I used to have. It was later that night that it struck how much I've abandoned that. Not to mention my frustration that I didn't save more of that money. I was the guy that was down for anything that had a nice payoff. To avoid being used up by greed and run into the ground, I stepped back and become the guy that would be anything for a select few. No money needed.

So now where am I. The employment instability is pressure. Life's unexpected issues is pressure. The social conversational life of a late 20's adult now includes marriage, cohabitation, kids and all those other life impacting topics. It's not a game anymore. I'm recollecting my sense right now. More within my own private spaces then for the masses to see. Either a fall and become a regular guy or a remain the unique force I've been for so long.

Time will tell.

After the jump is a piece that was emailed to me from Evita's significant other. It was something shared with him that adds an interesting perspective to where I and maybe a lot of people are at in life right now. Keep a open mind to the basic ideas.



TURNING THIRTY AND THE SATURN RETURN

A scary thing happens to most of us as we approach thirty. Words like time, reality and responsibility start to creep into our vocabulary with more frequency, and it feels like an era is coming to an end, and life will never be the same. Many of us approach this time in our lives with dread, but with every ending comes, rest assured, a new beginning and new opportunities for a more authentic life. Although the process can be painful, change and growth are a very necessary part of life.

Time, responsibility, age, and reality, are all associated with one planet in astrology and that planet is Saturn. The transit of Saturn around the birth chart is a very reliable indicator of where we are in our maturation process because it completes a cycle every 29-and-a-half years, splitting our lives into three stages of growth: childhood, adulthood, and the elder years. With each cycle building upon what was learned in the previous one.

The Saturn return, which is the return of Saturn to its natal position (or location at birth), occurs between the ages of 28 and 30, and very clearly marks the rite of passage into adulthood. We officially close the book on childhood, and set our own course in life. And we take on the realities and responsibilities (both Saturn keywords) of life, and find our own place in the world. We may have to make difficult compromises, we may have to sever some ties completely, but to make the best use of this time, Saturn asks that we take a hard look at ourselves and find our own path. To put it simply, it's time to grow up.

The position of Saturn by sign, house and aspect gives us a good clue of how and where this growing up process will be focused at the Saturn return. The house position alone is very significant and will often correlate with real life events in the corresponding area of life. For example, if your natal Saturn is in the 4th house or in the 4th house's ruler, Cancer, the focus at your Saturn return will center on some aspect of your domestic situation, or you may enter into deep inner work, examine parental issues, deal with family history, or begin to lay a foundation for future growth — all 4th house issues. The position of Saturn in our chart also indicates the area of life where we have to work the hardest, where we are blocked the most and face the hardest challenges, but often it can signify the area of life most important to us. Someone with a 4th house Saturn may have had a difficult early home life in some sense, and at their first Saturn return, a significant event may occur that will help trigger the process of getting on the correct path by doing the necessary inner personal work that will eventually lead to great success and a happy domestic situation, or they might move away from their hometown, childhood friends and family for the first time and start a new life and start building their own foundation.

If your Saturn is in the 10th house you could expect the challenge to come in your career, public life or again with a parent. (The 10th house, like the 4th, represents your parents.) For example, up to the Saturn return, you may have been following a career that was more in line with your parent's dreams than yours, and at this point a crisis occurs which forces you to reconsider your professional direction. It's important, at the Saturn return to pay attention to what the universe is trying to tell you.

If Saturn is in the 5th house, or in the 5th house's ruler, Leo (creative self expression), at the Saturn return, after always dreaming of being on Broadway (but never having the nerve to try), you might come out of your shell and join the local theatre group. Although it might be unbelievably hard for you at first, and incredibly embarrassing, you keep trying and slowly improve and then one day you get the lead in the community play. Before you know it, acting becomes your life's great passion. You may not get paid for it, but you're happy and contented. Not Broadway star perhaps, but you've accepted reality and yet stayed true to yourself.

Although some dreams (or shall we say, illusions) are shattered at the Saturn return, and that can be painful, the payoff is that Saturn helps direct us to our true path. Life begins to come into focus. And in a way, that can make living a whole lot easier. Being an NFL quarterback is not a realistic possibility for me, but being an astrologer is. And I think that's cool because it's a much more authentic reflection of me. The worst thing that could happen at this time is if we continue on a course that is not a reflection of our own reality, but is what some authority in our life has lead us to believe it's the right path for us. For if we make that mistake, we will be living out someone else's notion of an ideal life, instead of finding our own way. The Saturn return, for those up to the challenge, is about getting real.