Monday, August 26, 2013

Development through Disappointment

So, it's a funny time for me. This summer has brought so much into my life that I've been working towards yet a lot of it was still unexpected in the way it manifested itself. A new way of life is slowly developing and I'm excited at how this can develop. On the flip side there have been a number of things that have happened that have made me pull back into myself and play life much closer to the chest then usual. I don't ask much and try not to bother folk. I move purposefully and with a pretty pure heart. I've had waaaaay too many folk misinterpret my moves or just blatantly react wrong to what I do or say. Now technically I really shouldn't internalize what how others react to me if I know what I'm doing was coming from a good place but the reality of life is that we are social beings we interact with and react to the what people do towards us. Being made to feel a certain kind of way that falls opposite to your intentions hurts. Just imagine holding the door open for someone and as they pass through the doorway they turn around and scream at you for doing it. Yes it's really a problem with them but it still causes a feeling. I'm 32 yet I often get pulled back to that 16 yr old shy guy that folk clowned for being so caring. Some things are just a part of who I am. Please believe there is no apology coming from me on this. I just have to act in kind to what happens to and around me. I dont want to go off of anyone so I'd rather deal with my feelings solely with me than direct a rage moment at someone else. I have too much going on to be derailed in that manner.

Now, to another matter that has eaten at my other the past few weeks....Travel. Since the beginning of the year I've had my travel plans laid out for the year. That was a large % of Nomadness w/ a few "me" trips sprinkled here and there. The main focal points were the RV Tour which was 4 weeks on the road, Barbados and Japan in last August for 2 weeks of lengthy travel for Animekon and Nomadness; and Bali for New Years. The RV tour was a massive success and next year will be even better.

The summer plans were August though ran into an unexpected detour earlier in the summer. Plans that were laid to put me in excellent position for this summer fell through at the last minute and has had me in recovery mode. Picture yourself locking in a great business deal on Thursday, leaving for a weekend away that Friday and getting a call in your hotel that the deal you sealed 24 hrs prior has just been eliminated. That is exactly what happened to me. It set off a chain reaction that in the end cost me the trips I truly WANTED to take. At the time of this writing Animekon is over in Barbados which I didn't attend and what 99% of people don't know till now is that I wont be making it to Japan with my Tribe either. It wouldn't be a responsible move for me to force this and believe me I considered it heavily. In the midst of the scramble to pick up the professional pieces I did essentially stumble into new business that will lead to many good things, but the transition period just didn't leave me enough time to pull off Japan in an efficient manner.

I cant begin to express how much this is tearing at me. Before there was a Tribe people that grew up with me knew how long Japan has been on my personal Radar. This is going to be a hellish week for me internally as I wish my fellow tribe members well while feeling the sting of what I'm missing. I believe everything happens for a reason but I'm still searching for why things played out for me the way they did. It's not my way to complain publicly so that is why I'm venting her on the Blvd since I know only a handful of folk will actually view this vs putting this on Facebook in its entirety. This one hurts.....a lot. It'll be motivation for future moves but in this moment its just a twisting in my stomach that I'll have to work through. Hopefully Bali has a few tricks in store for me at ease my feelings over missing my 1st travel to Asia.

Gotta play the cards your dealt....good, bad & ugly.....


Nikks said...

I understand all too well what it feels like to be misunderstood. I think the song Misunderstood is all about me. The thing that's great is that you know you are coming from a good place and mean no ill will. People can take it how they want to, God knows your heart.

As for not making the trip, you're a determined man. You're time will come and it'll be amazing. Hugs n' kisses.

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