Showing posts with label doubt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doubt. Show all posts

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Holding It All Together


 What do you do to maintain your sanity? Walking that fine line between handling day to day business and snapping is more common a practice for me then most know. I have my own releases of stress. I don’t aim my negative and frustrations at others. My issues my problems need not be put to heavily on others. I can talk on my thoughts and feelings but the real brunt of it I willingly hold internally. Maybe a drink, more then likely a hard gym session, writing, etc…..In fact during a time of MASSIVE self reflection and overall introspective thoughts one of the things that gets me through are my people. The steady Blvd folk know how I do with my people. Be it Evita, Bright Eyes, Raven, Jillz, and many more. In truth I need my people cuz I don’t know if Jason alone is really that big a deal. To be allowed to aid in the various movements and progressive plans of these women does so much to keep my inner flame burning. 

What makes a man worth his salt? Is it the ability to provide? Is it finding a wife and forming a family. Is it the establishment of better business? To pull your self up by your own boot straps is a fundamental man point and while so much has advanced in this world some bare essentials still remain. I like to think I’m getting better with age….is that the truth or just a nice sounding excuse I’ve crafted for myself?  Maybe that why I savor all forms of appreciation because truthfully I’m feeling hella unaccomplished right now. 
 
“There’s nothing worse then wasted talent.” - Sonny LoSpecchio Bronx Tale

Monday, May 2, 2011

Nearly 10 Years Later Obama Orders Strike, Kills Osama Bin Laden





Not gonna say much on this right now as there will be time for that in the days to come. Crazy how time flies....David you didn't die in vain man.




Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Nightfall the Sunday School Teacher?????


Yeah I bet it sounds funny to many but that’s the circumstance I now find myself in. I’ve touched on the connection I have to my church before. 30+ yrs (I add the + due to my parents going to and getting married in this same church) I’ve been a constant there so the level of familiarity goes without saying. Anyway, last Sunday was interesting. I came in the building to the sound one of my favorite songs “Give Thanks” which I hadn’t heard in a while. That was a sign and I knew it the moment I heard it. I had things on my mind as well. Friends and associates that were/are seriously ill, the murder of friend Megatron, friends suffering recent close family death in their lives (hold your head Meka) and this life in general here and around the world is crazy.

Service goes on and eventually comes to a close and I make my rounds greeting the members of my small church family. One of the women there that runs a lot of the administrative things for the church asks if I have a moment and I tell her “Sure I’ll be right back.” I wanted to quickly go greet our pastor, who is also my god mother. While hugging her she says you really should “come from the back and step up to the front of the church.” I didn’t fully catch what she had said until later. Again this is a bit of foreshadowing as she had no idea what I was about to be asked. I go over to see what the sister wanted to ask me. Easter is in 2 weeks so I figured it was to briefly speak on something which isn’t new to me. Instead she says. “Brother Francis, we need a teacher for these young adults. I think you the perfect person to speak to them…” I was flattered but also unsure for a few reasons. I told her let’s try it out and see how it works but to keep in mind when I travel it’s usually on weekends. She agrees.

You see when I was younger and the idea church, faith and belief started becoming more then just that thing Mom and Dad were into I taught Sunday school for the younger kids. Speaking and operating in that manner aren’t new to me. But I’m not who I was then. The Jason that taught had never cursed, drank, never had sex….I was young and innocent. Now I’m grown, mature and anything but innocent. Imagine the Black Bruce Wayne teaching Sunday school…….the thing is it’s not that I don’t want to do it because I do. It’s a chance to give back. My Pastor runs a foster home as well and many of these kids that I’d be teaching live with her and have been raised by her over the past 4-6yrs. So for me to be called on to help transition those youths into adulthood is major. I just need to sure in myself that I’m giving these kids the real. I would die for my faith but I’m far from the ideal model Christian. Especially in the Lust/Physicality/Sex related area. I’m so used to things of that nature due to much of the business I’ve been around that I wonder if I’m being hypocritical. So as I look these Sunday lessons over and attempt to rationalize and connect those classic tales to modern reality I will be as much checking myself as I am these kids.

In the end this may spark the bigger change in me then anything else…..

"Leave it up to me while I be living proof....To kick the truth to the young black youth"

Sunday, April 25, 2010

This wasn't part of the plan

1 month to calm down and refocus, a lil birthday love and then back to business. I guess it was foolish to think things would pan out so quickly on the unemployment front but it is what it is. Perhaps this is just me being a lil pissed at the job I thought I had on Friday that didn't pan out. Maybe. It's also the fact that I feel that my actual works have not yet lived up to the potential I've felt in me for so long. There's no panic or anything just an awareness of that time isn't a luxury that I have anymore. I need a boost of some sorts.

It will come. I just have to keep on traveling my path.........so much for plans.

 
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