Re Evaluating Myself

How do you feel so low yet feel so high at the same time.....

The depths of current situations plunging me into the abyss.....

The potential of life building steps moving upwards towards greatness....

So much of what I've defined myself by I'm questioning now....

It will either be the greatest validation or the most painful reality check yet.

Shanda Speaks on the Issue of Break Ups

 I don't think there's a person viewing this that cant relate on some level.

Tears For Chris Brown The Lost Friend....

I cant ever pretend to under how being the victim of abuse feels. And the idea of still maintaining positive feeling for your abuser is one of things that really scare me about the power of love. In any event here we have Rihanna in her recent Barbados hosted interview with Oprah touching on the life changing incident.

Hump Day Reality

No tasty images, no suggestive words. I had plenty lined up but this came thru my thought patterns and needed to be let out. I told my boy as I left the gym last evening that I'm learning that no matter what type of woman you are dealing with, the key to peace is knowing when to let her thinking she is charge or right. This isn't an insult or derogatory statement as I affiliate with literally an clan of powerful respectful woman. But in the constant back and forth of life I observe, I observe the subtle things that reinforce (at least in the states) how much of a mans world it is. The double standards and social guidelines are well known. But on top of that I watch the actual interactions of people. The difference in alcohol effect on a man vs a woman and how he may take that do his advantage. The natural female nature to want protection. The truth is that we as men are given the position to be evaluated as to if a woman can feel safe and trust us.

Let's be honest. If I want to physically do something, who could really stop me? I hear the term Alpha Male used a lot recently. Maybe it to those particular men that this applies. I see many a simp get played out by a stronger more aggressive but the buck stops hee with that.

Y'all tell me. The power, support, protection of a man. How much does it matter?

Guardian Viewpoint.......

What’s more painful, being hit or watching someone close to you get hit? Being abused or being helpless to extract a friend from a cycle of abuse. The other side of the Guardian role is that everyone want to be protected. Many aren’t even aware of the threat that is so close. That abyss you stare into too long engulfs you and you can’t tell pleasure from pain properly. You pass a point a perspective that the hope of the a moments happiness in the now makes to forget all the ills done to you consistently in the past. This is painful to witness. We are so fragile and emotionally vulnerable. Love shouldn’t be a part time gig. No one should have to grown accustomed to emotional abuse…….yet and still we are all adults’ right? We choose who and what we want to be. Victor or Victim, chose your path and stand firm.

Blog Challenge Day 11

And on the 11th day of the Blog Challenge the task was asked of my to share a letter to an EX. Well here's the thing. There was only 1 type of letter to that I've sent to an EX and it's the positive type. Technically how would I have a letter if it was sent to an ex. Hmmm, well there was this but that's not getting posted. You see when a relationship has been end with me. I was ended from the female side for the reason of seeking greener grass. When this occurred I would leave with little noise. There was no "baby please don't go". I learned early on that you don't stay where you're not wanted so I'd let my former flame live with the decision made. One of my cooping methods was poetry so instead of a letter I'll share a piece I wrote some where between 06-07.

Nightmares

Last nite....old images reminders of past failure.....inadequate.....unwanted......past pain that has since been buried rose up to keep me in touch with reality......C the images of ghouls,zombies and what not dont get a 2nd look from me, but there are horrific images in my past.Emotionally unsettling memories of not so long ago.....bouncing in and out of consciousness I could escape it......the cityscape of philly.......an eerie sound of large cats...wedding bells in the distance getting stronger and stronger.....indirect yet very direct symbolism of my most vulnerable times.....moments that I have come to accept but due to my mental make up,cant forget.So it happens once in a Blu Moon, an unavoidable rush of emotions.A mixture of regret,loneliness,confusion,anger and frustrations.......

But only in the nite does this occur....as the new day starts some emotional hangover remains but nothing that would be picCed up by others (save for those who read these blogs).Breath in,breath out........this is what God's given me to deal with and built me with the capability to endure.

No tears,not a drop,just the acceptance of life and the ones that got away..........but as it always does,this too will pass.

Blog Challenge Day 6

This Challenge asks for a song that makes you cry. I don't have one but I can post one that had always touched me especially in the midst of certain tough times.

A current view of Love

It's another day, another friend gets engaged or turns up preg.It's interesting to me when someone I know gets a new love interest.I'm generally happy at the news, but when I hear more about it and get more detail my mind is always processing trying to see what the balance is. I'm always looking for the signs of danger vs the signs of promise. Number 1 to me is to see just how high on the priority ladder does the new person get elevated to. I have friends of both sexes who are notorious for making their new "other" the sun of their universe and it worries me every time.

You know the routine. No phone calls, random texts/bbm/emails every once in the blue to see if you're still alive and basic MIA status to everyone that's a mutual friend. That doesn't seem healthy to me. I know love can an overwhelming thing but it's got to have it's place within the grand scheme of things and not become in it self the whole scheme.

This isn't a new topic but I think what makes it stick with me more now it that we're not kids anymore that was one thing in high school and college but I personally want to know that at nearly 30, my people ain't prone to vanish over a pretty face. Things I thought were merely a product of youth are showing themselves to be much stronger.

Just be careful...

Where is that line crossed?

Love. In my opinion the most powerful force on earth. It defies logic.It's ever evolving and changing for every being on this planet. And much it this power scares me. Not me personally but it scares me as to what I've seen it do to people. Love at times seems to be the lone rationale that justifies lunacy. So crazy in love in deed.

Below is a clip of the interview with deceased NFL player Chris Henry's Fiancee. This is her fist public statement on the events that played out.



I'm sorry but if my black ass is standing in a moving truck over anger towards a female I deserve whatever I get.

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