Black Male.........What Do We Do Now.........

48 hrs removed from the not guilty verdict for murderer George Zimmerman. While I've made a few remarks here and there, it is here on the Blvd that I always spill my inner most feelings and with this tragedy the emotions are plentiful. Anger washed over me that I did to great job of containing. Anger not from shock but from the blatant audacity of the situation we find ourselves in again. We, that's a funny word to use in this moment. Who are we? Well I guess that depends on who you are. You may be a Black man like me who is constantly feared and vilified. You may be a Black woman with Black men in your life you love and care about fully sharing the plight that comes with this nation. You may be a non Black man with only an inkling of what we go though yet even still you know this is wrong. You may be a non Black woman that has dedicated her heart to loving the Black man and supporting this struggle. What ever you're position in this all is you feel something. We all feel that to walk away free from the murder of an unarmed child is wrong.

I gain some peace from seeing the make up of the immediate rallies across this nation. It reminds me of the rally I was in when this all first started. To see young and old, black and white all unified in outrage gives us that glimpse at what this nation could be about.....not sure if it ever will be though. America gives you the ultimate gamblers chance as a Black man. You will have the chance to gain all you desire and work for but understand that you must SURVIVE. It's an all or nothing proposition and the forces you are going against will take you out if you give them the slightest reason. For the chance to have it all you live with a zero value placed on your life. That was the final statement made in this case. You're in your neighborhood? You're not doing anything wrong? You're unarmed? You're a good student? It does not matter at all if you are a Black man. You are to be viewed as an immediate threat no questions asked. You do not have the right to defend yourself no matter what is coming at you. 

I'm a guardian and a protector by nature. When those I love are in that line of fire I step up. It hits me to the core of my soul that a young man that stood his ground was thrown away with such disregard. So as anger turned into pain and frustration I watched the reactions of the people. More hurt, pain, attempts to find answers, sarcasm, rage calls for revenge, etc.... But what hit me the hardest and definitely had me fighting back tears was hearing the mothers and fathers explaining the things they have say to their kids, the warnings and rules that come with being a black male in this world. I think back to the times my parents told me those same rules. It's not a game. They will lock you up. They will kill you. 

Usually it's the police doing things like this. This was a weird set up in that this guy with no real power was essentially treated like a cop from the beginning. He wasn't even going to be arrested had the people not made noise for it. This case frustrated me and it really became apparent during closing statements. I had an interesting exchange on Twitter when I expressed my dismay with the prosecution. It was said to me "well your not a lawyer." and you know what this is true, but it doesn't take a lawyer to understand the difference between what the prosecution has to prove and the easier road the defense has to travel in raising doubt. I saw this and feared the result that we ended up getting. There is no waving of the "I was right" flag here. I wish with all my heart I was wrong.   

So what do you do when you cant do nothing but there's nothing you can do?

You do what you can.

I will not walk with my head low in fear. Never have and definitely wont start now. I don't pretend to have all the answers as many others claim. The Internets are good for making everyone sound sure and good for something.....until it's time to put in that work. At a time where I personally have been feeling varying levels of disrespect and funny style energies, life drops this bomb that life is too short. Let go of those that only keep you around for there own convenient needs. Cause the Black man is viewed as very useful to many folk. Invest those energies in those that you love and equally love you in return. You control your life. Make sure that you write a grand legacy with it. Everyone isn't a militant freedom writer but whatever works best for you, whatever manner of expression comes most natural to you make it speak out for you and represent how you are and what you stand for. 

The Fear of LonelyNites.....

Been meaning to write this for a quite awhile now. "Inspiration" though was never lacking......I'm getting thoughts off my mind about the effects of love on my people. From my simple vantage point I observe so much. 99% of the time I do so in silence. We're all adults here so at this point of my life I let folk do what they do. I've posted before that love is the most powerful force of Earth, but I'm also thinking that Fear doesnt rank too far below it. The fear of being alone, that seems to be so much at the heart of the thing I'm seeing recently. Tale after tale, story upon story of unqualified lames and low lifes, grown man wannabes and pretenders being chosen by women who deserve better....who know better. None lacking for intelligence, self respect or common sense yet stoically I look upon the events that play out without a shred of surprise.

What transformed yesterdays "love of her life" into today's bane of a her existence. Such changes happen more often then I can count. Was he that vile being to begin with and merely put on an awarding winning acting performance? Was he genuinely a good guy that was somehow twisted into this new person by events I'm not privy to? I mean its also true that after a certain point you can't merely blame the "other" person. You put enough unsuccessful social dealings on your record and you have to look into that mirror and re-evaluate what you bring to the problem, who you interact with, who you attract, etc.....

Maybe it's the Summer season and emotions are hot and heavy but the "interesting" interactions and questionable moves are at an all time high. Russian roulette within the sheets, jumping off a cliff with a "Love"  umbrella hopeful it will slow down your descent. You see this isn't about judgement. This isn't anything I take joy in being right about. I HATE seeing my people, especially my female friends hurt and distraught. But I'm a realist and I can't cry and sob when decisions lack a certain degree of common sense. No, love has no blueprint or official game plan but the sky is still blue, water is still wet and we as people are given enough to make better decisions then I witness. Is the fear of being alone that over powering? Does it really allow you to over look the disrespect, abuse, lies, violence and hope against hope that things work out? What are the standards and requirements applied to being that man? Your Man? Or is it something that just sounds nice to proclaim. I've seen it work and I've seen it fail. Happiness does have certain requirements and in truth everyone doesn't have it. 

At times I wish I could just beat the life out of these guys.......would definitely be a bit therapeutic. Or better yet I just wish my folks success to failure ratio would balance off a little more.....

Look What You've Made Me.......

It's funny what one conversation can do to/for you. Having a casual chat with good company then finding yourself in a personal moment of self examination and deep perspective change. 

Let's set the stage a bit. I'm a 31 yr old man......a Black Man........a Black Man in America. That's what I am. It is not all that I am but if you ask me how I view myself then that's what you'll get. That comes with much good, much bad, much ugly. To this point in my life everyone I've dealt with understood what that means without need of explanation or clarification. In my world pre Toronto, that was just how it was. There was never a questioning of that. Issues of race come up all the time but always with the understanding of where I was coming from. As America's 1st Black President prepares for re-election season, the nation's racial tensions have been on an extreme wave that I've never seen before....case in point Trayvon Martin. Trayvon's name sparks those sensitive convo's pretty consistently. That was the case last Saturday.....

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Comes With the Territory

Reflections......

Ever been so frustrated...so disappointed with yourself that you just avoid mirrors cuz you dont want to look at yourself? I imagine "me" of 10-11 yrs ago and wonder what he'd think....I know what he'd think. 

How could you? :( 

It's All Human Nature

Sitting back I glance at the television, 40+ inches of HD details makes the images so clear.....so there's no avoiding the vile things airing on networks ranging from ESPN to CNN. The faces of Power, Good, Bad and the Ugly are everywhere.

I observe things. I'm a people watcher 24/7. Those I deal with personally and those I see from a distance. There is a consistency of how power and/or the attempts to gain power effect people. Some folk gain power through their infectious spirit. They stand for something and the force of their will attracts those of a like mind. This can result in the formation of local tribes, cults, religions, government,etc....There does come a point where a leader or a group hit that power ceiling. The ceiling is the point where power is manageable yet still within the checks and balances of the people below. Unfortunately, few people are satisfied with the ceiling. They crash through it showering sharp glass and debris on the people they are supposed to be working with and for.

Hit the jump for a social review of the hunger for power...

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Blog Challenge Day 6

This Challenge asks for a song that makes you cry. I don't have one but I can post one that had always touched me especially in the midst of certain tough times.

Monsters Among Us.....

Shit like this is real hard for me to attempt digest. It makes me think of the dumb things I've done. It makes me wonder if some people are beyond saving. It's always been said that we have been more successful at eliminating each other then slavery, segregation and police brutality combined...

I can only pray for this boy's family and hope they can channel their emotions better then I know I could if it was my brother that was murdered.

In the City that gave us Obama, politically speaking, we get the harshest of reminders that for every one of us that reaches to the top there are still so many more floundering at the bottom.