It's Still The Little Things

Yes There Is Still Romance Here........Somewhere...

The Fear of LonelyNites.....

Been meaning to write this for a quite awhile now. "Inspiration" though was never lacking......I'm getting thoughts off my mind about the effects of love on my people. From my simple vantage point I observe so much. 99% of the time I do so in silence. We're all adults here so at this point of my life I let folk do what they do. I've posted before that love is the most powerful force of Earth, but I'm also thinking that Fear doesnt rank too far below it. The fear of being alone, that seems to be so much at the heart of the thing I'm seeing recently. Tale after tale, story upon story of unqualified lames and low lifes, grown man wannabes and pretenders being chosen by women who deserve better....who know better. None lacking for intelligence, self respect or common sense yet stoically I look upon the events that play out without a shred of surprise.

What transformed yesterdays "love of her life" into today's bane of a her existence. Such changes happen more often then I can count. Was he that vile being to begin with and merely put on an awarding winning acting performance? Was he genuinely a good guy that was somehow twisted into this new person by events I'm not privy to? I mean its also true that after a certain point you can't merely blame the "other" person. You put enough unsuccessful social dealings on your record and you have to look into that mirror and re-evaluate what you bring to the problem, who you interact with, who you attract, etc.....

Maybe it's the Summer season and emotions are hot and heavy but the "interesting" interactions and questionable moves are at an all time high. Russian roulette within the sheets, jumping off a cliff with a "Love"  umbrella hopeful it will slow down your descent. You see this isn't about judgement. This isn't anything I take joy in being right about. I HATE seeing my people, especially my female friends hurt and distraught. But I'm a realist and I can't cry and sob when decisions lack a certain degree of common sense. No, love has no blueprint or official game plan but the sky is still blue, water is still wet and we as people are given enough to make better decisions then I witness. Is the fear of being alone that over powering? Does it really allow you to over look the disrespect, abuse, lies, violence and hope against hope that things work out? What are the standards and requirements applied to being that man? Your Man? Or is it something that just sounds nice to proclaim. I've seen it work and I've seen it fail. Happiness does have certain requirements and in truth everyone doesn't have it. 

At times I wish I could just beat the life out of these guys.......would definitely be a bit therapeutic. Or better yet I just wish my folks success to failure ratio would balance off a little more.....

Death of Naviety

Most people can remember the event or instance where innocence was loss. The moment that would start the ripple effect of relationship life lessons. I also have the physical items. The cards that were sent to my home "return to sender" that officially put the nail in the coffin of my 1st relationship. Honestly I didn't even know I still had these....

Vlog Session.....

Just talking about things.Thoughts, Views, Feelings....

If you can't say it.....get a pen.....

I got this question from a friend's Facebook status. It's very simple. Ladies, when's the last time you got a love letter? What did it say, who was it from? Guys who did you last write one for or have y'all received any? Details.

Has technology essentially killed that type of expression?

Looking back........

Damn, you ever look back at a period of time or a situation and just shake ya head at what was going on. Back in the Myspace world about 2 yrs ago when I was actually blogging there. I had a 5 pt vlog vent session. The vid quality isn't what my current vids are so excuse the blurry sounds. Part 1 here and just continue to pt 5 if you want.

Anyway, I look at this and I notice the tone of my voice. And given the situation of my recently ended relationship, I can see how bothered I was by it. Another reminder of a painful cycle I had been in for years. I almost gets me mad to see that emotion now. Not that anything is wrong with emotion. Love has that effect but yet......I don't know. I'll be damn if I make a vlog like that again. I've always made it a point to forgive but not forget. To forget means the lesson is lost and the lesson to valuable to become lost. So, I kept that lesson deep inside as this same person tried to pop back up again for support this past spring. That just ended up being some b.s.....and I was expecting it.

But it's exactly as I've said to people before. Love has earned my respect but I refuse to get used and abused by it again. In watching vids like this and reading the various poems I've written over the years it highlights just how much I've grown and the different way I look at and approach the idea of a relationship.

So many lessons learned....

Limits on Love

Just how much does love factor into a relationship? How much will you overlook simply because you love someone? Does love make you bite your tongue for fear of making waves? Or does it make you act with more certainty because of what is at sake?

At this point of my life I know what Love is to me.I also know that while Love is a focal point to the relationship I want. It is not the be all end all of what goes into it. I will not settle in the areas of functionality and compatibility just because of the drug like effects of love.

Love has earned my respect by the number of emotional beat downs it's handed out to me over the years. The fact that I never stay down and only get stronger has forced Mistress Love to respect me too. But now as I stand and look out over the horizon preparing for the future. I know that I'm preparing for my next bout with love. Not as I have before with mere emotion, but with plans, wants, needs, expectations that will be met if I am to claim another partner.

This is life. No game. They say to make your next more your best move. And I seriously plan to do so. It's not that I will not be the same kind person I was before. But I was never one to really ask much of people. I asked for the bare minimum.(Funny how at times even that wasn't given) But now the stakes will be higher and so will the requirements. It's evolution I guess, but I feel good about it.

...a moment to pause......

I was just about to start writing....attempting to collect the flow of my current thoughts and emotions and something hit me. I looked up, let out a deep breath and said no. It's a weird calm that washed over me and told me just put your music on an go to sleep. They'll be time to let it out soon.....just relax.

Random Thought: The Simplicity of Need or Love &Hate II

...I'll tell you something. The actions of a women in "love" can be so random and so destructive. Yet they're completely a oblivious to what their actions do to the world outside their little "wonderland". I know what's coming and the candor with which I express my feelings on certain things is going to be surprising.

The shit I've seen this summer has been VERY disturbing.

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GOd help me......

As ill as I feel right now, in the end I can only work on me.....