Searhing For Answers........

....while trying not to go Crazy.

.................?

Blog Challenge Day 29

What are my future plans/Goals

1. Successfully run The Ascended Social Networking
2. Monetize my side promotional moves
3. Get back to creative writing
4. Stabilize employment
5. Reevaluate my personal life
6. Strengthen on Spiritual life
7. Stay on my fitness grind

Blog Challenge Day 28

What attracts me to someone?

That's a loaded question. Physical beauty which can come in a number of packages. Intelligence, calm laid back demeanor, expressive without being offensive, Independent in existence yet knows how to compliment a person. Mystery/Intrigue of some type that keeps me wondering what your about.

Challenge Day 26 &27

Yesterdays Challenge asked for the 1st 10 songs on my MP3 when set on shuffle. Alright the Zune player I take to the gym doesn't have my favs but more so hyped up workout music and newer moe recent stuff. Let's see what comes up.....

1. "So Appalled" Freestyle  Jadakiss & Styles P
2. "Poppin' & Lockin'" Jadakiss
3. "Leaders" (Remix) Nas & Damien Marley
4. "The Boyz from Up North" Sheek Louch
5. "Unabomber" J.Cole
6. "This Hip Hop" Terminology, Sheek Louch & Joell Ortiz
7. "I'll Kill Her" Cee Lo Green
8. "John Blaze" Jadakiss
9. "Aston Martin Music" Ric Ross
10. "On to the Next One: Freestyle Bun B
11.  

Today's post asks what my Fashion Style is?
Ummmm it varies. Hoodies Jean and Nikes when running around. Button up, pants and shoes to get social. Fav colors Blu, Black, Tan & Grey. I consider my "look" to be basic. Nothing to unique about it.

Blog Challenge Day 25

As the challenge is coming to an end the 25t day asks how I got into blogging and where did it start? Truthfully I have been writing my thoughts down since grade school. Not in one set diary or journal but here and there in various and that to me is the blogging foundation. After time on Blackplanet, MiGente and even Asian Avenue I ended up on crushspot and daflaava. I don't remember which came first but these sites had blog functions built in a I just found the writing to be a great stress relief. Combine that with the things in my life at the time and it just led to blogging and the comfort from getting my various thoughts out stayed with me up to the present times.

Blog Challenge Weekend Wrap Up (Days22-24)

I've been busy sue me.lol Let's get to it with the past 3 days blog challenge answers.

1. Nicknames and meanings. I have so many.
Zigg/Ziggy: Named after a former bball palyer when I playing in H.S, Baby Jay, Reign: Got this from the local 914 guys I ran with who lived by the p.j on Brook St(now Malcolm X Blvd), Blu Flame: Given to me for wearing my fav color among other reason, Nightfall: A character I created in a story and the name kinda stuck with me.......

2.The challenge asks whats in my "bag" so I think it was clearly meant for a woman. I'll just say what's in my pockets usually. BB, Keys, wallet, change maybe an MP3 player....

3. A song that makes me smile? Hmmmmmm....here's one.

Blog Challenge Day 21

No imagery here just a few short term goals to end the month....well the month is technically over so lets apply this to Dec and say year end goals.

1. Have the financial plan towards the new car set.
2. Improvement in Job status
3. Steady growth in the Omega Nexus promotion
4. Recapture my lost aspects of faithful thinking and living.

Blog Challenge Day 20

This was supposed to be posted last night but it works perfectly for today. A letter to my parents. Well it's more like a statement.

I am a reflection of you both.I would not and could not ask for better explains to follow. Thank You.

Blog Challenge Day 19

What is a habit I have that I wish I didn't? Hmmmmmm I bite my nails/cuticles a lil bit when I get caught in standstill traffic. Yes It's random I know.

Blog Challenge 18

Another letter request....really doesn't make sense unless maybe they actually what you to write one on the spot for someone. Anyway here goes a little older piece that was west side desert inspired.

So how did this happen
whats the cuase of my unrest
Some traits I must be lacking
more self-doubting more stress
More looking in the mirror asking why i'm not enough
Not one to build or grow with
Not even enough to lust
Another near hit that just missed the mark
thought I was on a roll
Starting to sneak into her heart
Brief chats became extended
Strangers now befriended
Defenses start to lower as the initial worries ended
Now these two worlds intermingle
Both desire to remain single
but yet a hint of passion creeps in to create a pleasurable tingle
On a daily basis we're building nightly we're lusting
It seems from your end that yes you do trust him
And I trust you so now I'm coming thru
Plans laid down, Blu's coming to town to do what I'm gonna do
The anticipation is growing as weeks become days
I forgot my best friends birthday cause I was so kept up in your gaze
So the trip goes down and your beauty is confirmed
Not full of all the talked about passion but perhaps that must be earned
I never had a problem crawling before I run
As long as I liked you and you liked me then I know we'd have fun
Breakfast in the morning
Your late afternoon naps
Playing with Stifler
Getting those new tatts
In all a great time with no real complaints
a few things didn't go down but I didn't mind the wait
I had found someone I felt was right to be the friend I needed
Kind,smart,mature,sexy
not arrogant and conceited
But on my return to Gotham I was caught off guard
by a sudden change of position
The text messages,emails and calls were now missing
I didn't know what to make of it so I applied my common sense
If things were good and now there not
something happened when I was out west
My in person impression must not have lived up to expectations
The actual catch fella few levels short of what you thought you were chasing
Damn now I'm stuck again with that lowly feeling of not beening up to par
Is it my dark skin tone or is it that I just live

Blog Challenge Day 17

A pic that makes me want a cry. Well I don't cry that easy but a this is a real emotion jerker for me......I'd kill anyone that would disrespect my grandma.

Blog Challenge Day: 16

A pic that makes me smile.

My 24th or 25th Bday party thrown by friends focused on me getting my drink on.

Blog Challenge day 15

Ok, I realized I made a mistake. I got Day 12 & 15 crossed up so today's question is technically what the 12th should have been. Who is/was my favorite Female Group.

For this I'm going with En Vouge, Grown & Sexy. Nuff' Said.

Blog Challenge Day 14

Notice the Omega Nexus Workout Shirt

Time for some self love.....no not like that. The challenge asks for something I love about my myself and I'll say that it's my level focus of when I'm have a goal to reach.

Blog Challenge Day 13

Hmmmm this is random....my least favorite female group...

If you don't remember them consider yourself lucky......tough break Snoop

Blog Challenge Day 11

And on the 11th day of the Blog Challenge the task was asked of my to share a letter to an EX. Well here's the thing. There was only 1 type of letter to that I've sent to an EX and it's the positive type. Technically how would I have a letter if it was sent to an ex. Hmmm, well there was this but that's not getting posted. You see when a relationship has been end with me. I was ended from the female side for the reason of seeking greener grass. When this occurred I would leave with little noise. There was no "baby please don't go". I learned early on that you don't stay where you're not wanted so I'd let my former flame live with the decision made. One of my cooping methods was poetry so instead of a letter I'll share a piece I wrote some where between 06-07.

Nightmares

Last nite....old images reminders of past failure.....inadequate.....unwanted......past pain that has since been buried rose up to keep me in touch with reality......C the images of ghouls,zombies and what not dont get a 2nd look from me, but there are horrific images in my past.Emotionally unsettling memories of not so long ago.....bouncing in and out of consciousness I could escape it......the cityscape of philly.......an eerie sound of large cats...wedding bells in the distance getting stronger and stronger.....indirect yet very direct symbolism of my most vulnerable times.....moments that I have come to accept but due to my mental make up,cant forget.So it happens once in a Blu Moon, an unavoidable rush of emotions.A mixture of regret,loneliness,confusion,anger and frustrations.......

But only in the nite does this occur....as the new day starts some emotional hangover remains but nothing that would be picCed up by others (save for those who read these blogs).Breath in,breath out........this is what God's given me to deal with and built me with the capability to endure.

No tears,not a drop,just the acceptance of life and the ones that got away..........but as it always does,this too will pass.

Blog Challenge Day 10

For day 10 I'm asked to post a pic of my best friend. If you've followed the blog you know I have a couple, so for this I'll post one of my non online folk but someone that's been as pivotal to me as anyone. This is boy Rodrigo. been friends since 2nd grade and been through all types of stuff. The stories him and his brother shared from their days in Colombia were classic. He was the brilliant trouble maker. Also in some mess but maintained the grade that had us laughing at folk and always doing what we did. The first time I cursed, smoked and drunk was with him......no peer pressure. lol. He's doing his dad and husband thing now and I"m proud of him. True Friend for real.

Blog Challenge Day 9

This was supposed to post last night but I messed up the scheduling. No biggie. So day 9 goes a lil deeper and asks a question. What's my definition of love? Well I base it with a religious upbringing but over the it's held up pretty good.

"When I think of Heaven, the ultimate most perfect paradise, it can only be perfect if you're there."

If I love you then there can be no heaven without you in it....that works for me.

Blog Challenge Day 7

Here's a great way to end Hump Day. I have to post my crush so I will go with this.