If Only They Would Understand This

Lesson Learned........

Step by step on the path back to clarity and normalcy........back to my position....back to work.

Who's That Calling Me????

When cellphones hit you found every reason to be on it talking to someone.  Just that mobile communicative freedom had you rambling all day. As time passed by it seems that textual communication has you hearing actual voices less and less. In turn actually calling a person and that call being accepted on a consistent basis is a strong sign to the relationship between two people.

With that said, Evita has always kept the technological vs actual communicative balance on point. With the current wave she is riding I know that every time that pic pops on my Blackberry the news will be positive and my day is gonna hit a high point. Today was no different. I received one call today and it was her updating me on business, networking and the powers that be continuing to shine on her. Only 1 call today but hey you know it quality over quantity.

Key Quotes Taken Out of Context: Marilyn Monroe

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

— Marilyn Monroe

Context is everything. It's what gives our words their full and proper meaning. I've seen and heard the bold section of  text above repeated many times and I think ladies need to be aware that if taken out of it's full context in that way those words come off as irresponsible, unfair and imbalanced toward a current or future mate.

You ask how so? Well, I believe in going through the bad as well as the good with a person but to state that I need to deal with your worst to deserve your best is silly. If we're in a relationship I deserve your best because that is what you would want in return. Your worst could equal gross, immature mismanagement of money. Substance abuse, lack of work ethic or motivation.What if you become violent towards me? But it's all good cuz I need to "handle that to deserve your best"? That's a damn cop out because their is no owning up to your own faults and the central role YOU play in your own actions.

That's where the full context is needed. Marilyn Monroe for all the power she had over men knew that it must be admitted to that what she is less then ideal at. The admission of fault is required to then speak on what your mate deserves.

This isn't a free license to do whatever you please but an example of being open with that person who will want to help he with your faults as you should want to aid him with his.

Hump Day Vlog Time: Mind over Matter

Nightfall speaks on Mind Sexington from Nightfall 914 on Vimeo.

I need you guys to hit up my friend Kream here to see the original post this video is in reply to so you have full context of what I'm speaking on. Thanks.

The Consistently Inconsistent or “Trigger Words”

It’s no secret that I am a man who is big on communication in its varying styles and forms. I feel that people say so much more about themselves then what the actual words they say and type mean. In addition to that we are also creatures of habit who act in patterns if given enough of an opportunity.

So what happens to me is that I have people that always seem intrigued and show interest in things I do. So when I present the opportunity to act on the interest they flake. The follow up never happens and the no action takes place. This happens to me a lot and I’m only fortunate that he occurs online versus me wasting time and physical energy to met and converse with a person. I’ve learned to handle this is a few ways.

1)It allows me to know who to take serious.

2)In avoiding the “talkers” I’ve come to figure the “trigger words” for many people.

“Trigger Words” are words or sayings that a specific person says that represents their level of commitment to an action. (This can be positive or negative)

Yes, believe it or not many of us give away our true intentions in our speech. So it’s knowing that even though he/she said they would call back the odds and past history say its not going to happen so have a plan B. It’s the person you ask for help that replies affirmatively but you know that you better ask someone else as well as back up. It happens so much it’s actually funny now. Especially when I reveal my lack of faith in a person and it’s the classic. “Nooo that’s not true.”

It’s true…it’s damned true.

A Man's Job? or Women Can Do It Too!!

This was sparked by this post over at the Single Black Man take a sec to peep this for the full story.

Long story short it brings up the topic of who's role/job is it to spark or initiate interaction. I've spoken on this before but it also leads into the idea in my mind of many people wanted the best of the "old school" rules yet wanting to have the best of the "new school".

The female is a independent but when it's more convenient she becomes all submissive. Now I understand we should all be able to play different roles but I'm speaking more in terms of being selfish. In the department of "relationships" do you have rigid rules for what I guy has to do or do you allow for a degree of flexibility?

Gettin' back on point......

I've dealing with a few things over here. This will be an interesting holiday season but it'll be a good one. I feel a real serious re appreciation of what this time of year is really all about. While that's going on I need to get back on some solid blogging and vlogging.....and some creative writing in general.

So on that note. Continue with your questions and potential vlog ideas. I need a few.Things got quiet during the thanksgiving holiday so lets get back to business before x-mas and new yrs has us all tipsy and full of food again.Hell I'm still eating leftovers......

Observation Station.....

This fuels me. It leads me to the decisions I make. Who I elect to interact with and why. I've stated before the I'm a people watcher. I'm a sponge in terms if taking in whatever it is people around put out. I internalize and break down then move in relation to what's being put out. This is done to all who cross my path but I must be honest and say that more often then not this relates to females. Point blank I watch females. The things y'all say, the things y'all DON'T say, how you say it, the vocab you use. Do you speak in a positive or pessimistic tone? Are you some one that solves problems or do you rotate excuses as to why you cant do something. Are your goals mapped out or do you play it all by ear. Are you family orientated or a person of solitude. This is equal in why I read the blogs I do. I'm curious about what y'all think, what y'all know.....what y'all THINK YOU KNOW. The mean spirited nitpicking and positive bond of sisterhood. I watch it all. It all matters .It all means something. Its a cause and effect. Observation...then Conversation. The Conversation is next.

Warrior's wish....

This thought came up while chatting with Ms.Robinson as something we've both experienced and are applying to our lives.

"We're fighters.We're warriors for those we've wanted to be with. And it's never been the other way around. In recognizing what we will and will not accept within the parameters of a relationship, we know that it's about time folk fought for the fighters and battled for the warriors. We need that....it's a requirement."

Honestly...

I realize that I am becoming more unapologetic about things. And I like it. 100% assurance in what you do makes many decisions, issues and interactions so much easier to deal with.

Great minds think a like...

Via Evierobbie

We hold everyone to basic standards

Next Book Up......

The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships. This was a suggested read from Miss Epitome and I'm hearing good things so I'm going in on this. I'm sometimes cautious at "relationship" books but since Steve Harvey's was pretty good I'll see if I can go 2 for 2 with this.

Opinions/views/review in the not too distant future.

As the summer wraps up...

The summer is coming to a close and soon it'll be cool fall weather. And as I mentally get myself for the 2nd half of the year. I'm dealing with serious adjustments in the way I deal with various people. This year thus far has been full of numerous changes in the priorities of my friends and associates. Some people focused on self improvements, some got sucked up into the whirlwind that is "love" while others simply "did them". Among these various groups of people, at one point or another I've made gestures to see whats good with people and maintain (re-establish) relationships. Interestingly enough this resulted in me not seeing many people I usually interact with while seeing people who I usually don't see that often.

Yes, the familiar faces got very distant this year. And this made me think of just how much energy I'd want to use in trying to reach these people. In recent conversations with Evie and Mz.J, I've spoken on my deliberate intentions to hold people more accountable for their actions or in this case their inaction. Jillz agree with the feeling of giving me to others then you get in return. You have to balance that off at some point. In addition to that Evita also agreed, adding that

"we at an age where it's not just about how you treat me but how you treat others"

That's so true. I don't want people around me that are assholes to the world but great people to me. I need individuals of consistency in my circle. That extends to the digital world. I know too many people who's online persona don't match reality. And have even had some folk forget just who their speaking to and bring that cyber attitude to me.....smh.

I started the year focused on personal improvement and growth through accountability. And that theme has not changed. It just now extends outward to my the people in my space. Cuts have been made already and more may need to be. All I can say is that I cut no one off from my love and feelings, but rather, you're cut off from the usually limitless amount of personal energy I would devote to being concerned about you. If I don't warrant your thoughts and replies then my energies can be better used elsewhere.

Previous blog Clear up.

Well, for clarification purposes let me say that this isn't about a "significant other" but rather a very close friend that repeats the same poor actions and I'm at a point of cutting her off to save myself the worry. When she's around we're great. We've made money together I'm cool with her child too. But she pulls these disappearing acts that I don't like and I'm too old to be chasing after my peoples. The love is there but the energy isn't.

Last yr in mid Sept. I gave a very real warning to her after she sent through a similar period of radio silence and then popped up like shit was all peaches and cream. I told her "I've always been there for you and will continue to do so. But if over a 2-3 month period you can't find a 10 sec window to call, text or email me to at least let me know your breathing then I gotta step away."

I have a BB she has a Palm, so there no excuses. And see this isn't a romantic thing either. In a different reality I could see it but that's not what it is and we're both great with that, but more importantly if I have love for you I need to know your ok, period. Some of my friends who know me personally can attest to this. I don't react well to that brand of silence. Because I don't know if your ill, hurt, in financial problem, suicidal, etc,etc....

This may seem extreme to some but again those that know me know what it is. I usually have an infinity amount of patience for this. But I can't maintain that any longer......I've made 1 final attempt to see what's good. If this doesn't turn up anything then it is what it is.

Improvement in Communication

Recently I made it a point to be a little more P.C when communicating with people. Less hard logic and more "feelings". Well um, I think I'm going to get back to what I do best. We're all adults now and adult situations and conversations, life, love, sex, business, desire....none of those type of topics need kids gloves. I'm going to speak in a manner so you understand me the first time.

So who's your back plan?

During a conversation with an old friend. I was asked "who's your backup plan?" I said "Huh" and she clarified "Who do you have if you get too old and haven't gotten married or had kids yet?" I was surprised by how serious she was about that question, but before answering she tailed off into a series of complements that concluded with "You better not waste your genes." But anyway, the point of this is that I've heard this before from a few people in regardless to having an age cut-off point and a person or persons that would hypothetically be willing to get together if other things don't happen naturally.

Now I've heard this said in jest and I've heard from folks that were dead serious about it. So tell me, is this a legit concept that's out there for this generation so we don't "waste our genes?

140 Conference

Thoughts?

So many options........but nothing to say.

This is a topic I'm want to speak on more in depth but first I'm curious on feedback. My question is "What are the positives and negatives of all the communicative options we have?" By this I mean that be it through blogs, myspace, facebook, twitter, etc... we have A LOT of unfiltered, uncensored, no credentials needed, public speaking and conversing going on and I see a delicate balance of the pros and cons this "freedom of tech speech" is creating.

So, what does it mean to you?

You Twits!!!!LOL!!!!